Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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