and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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