Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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