Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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