just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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