Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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