i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
