sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
