Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize