SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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