Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I got inside last night via doggy door
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
