I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
