Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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