I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
