windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
