i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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