One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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