Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
