if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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