I just threw up on my dentist
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
