I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
