Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
