plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize