Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
found the other keg... it's in the tree
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
