So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
