I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
