just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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