When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
