Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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