Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
