Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
