We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
