I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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