She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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