He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
