I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
