Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
