shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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