you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
