Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
