Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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