you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
