38 yer olds are good kisserssss
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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