dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
