I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
