My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
