I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
