worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
