i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
