i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
