ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
