Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
