This is not my ceiling
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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