your thong is hanging out like whoa
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
