Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
