Ambien. No doubt about it.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
