I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
