i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
