great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
