Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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