you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
