So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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