I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
