if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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