About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
