his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
