I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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