im about as happy as oj after his trial
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
