She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
