I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
