He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize