I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
