12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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