is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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