That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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