i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
When did angry sex become our thing?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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