I think im going to throw up on grandma
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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