I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
