I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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