so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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