My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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