I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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