apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
