i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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