This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
