4 words: hood of his car
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
