My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize