Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
