i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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