they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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