Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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