Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
false alarm. still invincible.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
