Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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