I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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