"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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